It is 3pm. My plane from Chicago to New York was supposed to leave at 11:15am. At 1:40pm we boarded the plane and I fell asleep only to be waking up an hour later realizing we’re still sitting here.
Today has been rough. I had one of the worst nights ever, kept tossing and turning, broke out in cold sweat, kept on thinking about my argument with Israel over and over. The fight was simple and short but ultimately draining and exhausting. Things have been going very well for us lately. Less than a month ago, he moved back to the Midwest after getting accepted to Notre Dame Mendoza School of Business in South Bend, Indiana. I am happy to have him back in the area, even though he is still a two-hour drive away (but so much better than flying three hours!!). He found a part-time job and a place to live. His buddy Jeremy moved in the same house and works the same job to be closer to Israel so the two of them could make the trucking businesses more profitable. The whole situation is bitter sweet for me. I love him so much and want nothing but the best for him. I see how much he is working on being successful at everything that he does. I admire him for traveling all over the place and satisfying truck drivers and brokers, entertaining roommates, friends and family, does hundreds of pushups to stay in shape, and, above all, still calls me his MVP. He is pretty much on top of his game but I always find a way to challenge him some more. Sometimes he loves it because I encourage him. He said it himself: “With you, I can do anything!” Other times, he feels like I am controlling him. The good comes with the bad, I guess. I certainly don’t intend to control him, rather, i wan to feel connected to him and what he is doing because I don’t see him all too often. But I always have his back and will support everything that he is doing. I look at him and see my hero because I know he will do the same for me. We have so much going for one another, and I am convinced that, if we wanted, we could conquer the world together!
So why is it that couples that seem to have such great power together, still struggle with stupid little arguments that can ruin the whole day (or night, in my case)? I have been reading the book “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He ties biblical verses to relationships between men and women. The message he is sending is that all men need respect and all women desire love. What’s interesting is how we see things so differently. Eggerichs describes this as pink and blue sunglasses and hearing aids. Men and women see and hear the same things, but interpret them in completely different ways. When couples fight, they find themselves in the Crazy Cycle, which means that his unloving behavior triggers her disrespectful response while her disrespectful attitude results in his unloving treatment. I don’t want to be a disrespectful girlfriend. Rather, it is important to me to show Israel how much I respect and admire him. Sometimes, when I act snappy, it’s not my intention to put him down. I know that he is trying the best he can and I feel blessed to have him in my life. But it is very tough for me to now have him around. I love him so much that I want to spend as much time with him as possible. I want to share everything with him, be there for him, care for him, and find things out about him. Today, he told me he is getting sick. I want to be there for him to bring him medicine and soup to pamper him so that he can go back to work tomorrow because I know that being able to make a living and potentially provide for me is important to him. But I can’t, because we’re so far apart.
Being in this long-distance relationship is hard on me. I hate these misunderstandings we have on the phone that result in arguments. I am trying to balance my relationship with the other things I have going on in my life. I miss him so much and wish we could be together more often. But what he does out there is a good thing. I am so proud of him and what he does. I know I am his MVP and I will always want to stay that. It’s going to be a tough two years not being with him every day, but I am in this for the long-run and it is worth it to me to suck it up and wait for him, while enjoying the few times a months that I do get to see and spend quality time with him.