You might not even realize it at first, but one day you wake up and you realize that a wall was built around your heart and soul. Something bad happens and changes your life, and while you might be protected, you are not just keeping others away but also fencing yourself in. Not caring about someone or what they do or if they care about you doesn’t sound like a very healthy way to be in a relationship. A guy I met told me that everything should be about me. All I had to do is tell him what I want and he will see to make it happen if possible. It was the strangest thing thinking about what I want. Because I have no idea. I drew a complete blank. I might know what I want today but not necessarily tomorrow. One year ago, I knew exactly what I wanted: I wanted to travel the world on a mission to make it a better place for the poor people living in it and I wanted to be with the man I loved so much. But then he left me. Now, I still want to work in/with developing countries, probably more than ever! But personally? I don’t think I want a relationship. It actually seems impossible to be with someone on such a deep level. It’s a whole new territory for me, because I always thought that that’s what I wanted. Is it possible that one person could have changed me in such an immense way? I know I am fencing myself in, but I am really ok with that, whether that’s a good thing or not. I feel really warm and cozy in this place surrounded by walls because I no longer expect to be loved on that level. I might expect to get attention and be treated with respect. And I will love you in the best way that I can. But, today, I feel that Israel took my desire to be loved by anyone. I’m sure this is just a phase and it eventually will pass (I hope!). I will try to hide it as best I can on the outside but at this moment, he took a piece away from me that is just making me bitter on the inside...